I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE

The quotes I wrote have a heart next to them.

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It’s pretty sad how easily I get attached to people. If a boy talks to me for even just two days, non-stop and then on the third day stops talking to me, I will get upset. That’s how easily I get attached to people. It sucks because I have high expectations and I usually get disappointed. It’s no one’s fault but my own, but I can’t help it. I really just want someone to stick around in my life and for them to be permanent. Because lately, it doesn’t seem like anyone in my life stays; they all end up leaving at some point. I just wish I had a clique of friends so maybe I could feel like I was a part of something or felt as if I had friends. I spend most nights laying in bed crying. I just wanna feel like I matter to someone and like someone wants me in their life as much as I want them in mine.

What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today. And you don’t feel eleven at all. You feel like you’re still ten. And you are, underneath the year that makes you eleven. Like, some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your momma’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day, when you’re all grown up, maybe you’ll need to cry like if you’re three, and that’s okay. That’s what I tell momma when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three. Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is. You don’t feel eleven. Not right away. It takes a few days, weeks even, sometimes even months before you say eleven when they ask you. And you don’t feel smart eleven, not until you’re almost twelve. That’s the way it is.

Have you ever felt like you like someone, but you’re starting to get attached. And because you’re attached, you’re being clingy. And because you’re being clingy, you think you’re being annoying because you wanna talk to them so much. And because you think you’re being annoying, you feel like you’re bothering them every time you talk to them. But really, you just enjoy talking to them. But you’re afraid they’re getting bored and sick of hearing from you.

People say Disney gave us unrealistic expectations about love. In some ways, that’s true. But Disney also teaches us so many other things about love. Love is tiding each other through the bad times. Love is waiting. Love is sacrifice. Love is giving up fear and finding courage. Love is looking past the flaws. Love is telling the truth. Love is giving up your old ways of living. Love looks beyond class and status. Love is believing in each other’s dreams. Love changes you for the better. Love is letting go.

Sometimes I miss the friendship we used to have. I’m sorry everything changed.

I love you… so much. I just don’t like you anymore.

Tell me what you feel for me is real or if it’s just a game. If it’s real we’ll figure it out, but if it’s not then please just let me go.

What am I supposed to do, when the best part of me was always you. What am I supposed to say, when I’m all choked up and you’re okay.

Falling in love with you was like coming to a place I didn’t realize I’d been missing all my life. You’re the only person I’ve ever known who accepts me for who I am, right in this moment, faults and all, and isn’t waiting for me to become someone else.

You know, I’ve been broken. I’ve been through so much that I didn’t think I’d ever get the nerve to take down these walls and let someone else in. I kept telling myself that he was the only one I wanted; that nothing else, no matter what, would make me feel whole again. I made myself believe that nothing could compare to him; nothing would ever be able to get the best of me like he did. But when you walked into my life only weeks ago, something inside me changed. I felt something I didn’t feel with him or anyone else. For the first time in a while, I felt different. I had butterflies, and each time we talk, I can’t help but smile. With him it was always fighting and disagreements. With you it’s the opposite. And I finally feel like myself. [♥]

I think about you everyday. There isn’t a day that goes by that you’re not on my mind. But then I remember all the things I’d said that I wish I could take back, because I pushed you away. I remember it clear as day. You were there beside me, holding my hand. And as the sky turned to gray, and rain began to trickle down and soak us in its cold embrace, I’d said I couldn’t do it anymore as I released my hand from your grasp and started to walk away. That was the first time I’d ever seen a boy cry. I was scared. I felt alone even though you were there. And that’s the worst thing… being with someone that makes you feel more alone than happy. I guess I just finally realized that I needed to be with someone who looked at me like I was their whole world. You acted as if I didn’t exist. And that one night, that’s the night I wish I could go back to just to tell you everything I’ve been holding back. So that you’d understand. Even though it probably wouldn’t matter, you’d take my words and pretend like they were never said. And you’d act as though nothing happened; that we were still together. Or you’d try your hardest to win me back with sweet “I love you’s” and everything you hadn’t said that I wish you would. But you’re not like that. I wanted more than you were willing to give, and because of that, I had to be on my own. I had to leave. I had to see if there was something else out there waiting for me; something that makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. Something that brings me joy and happiness, not tears and heartbreak. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t stand the feeling of being lonely constantly. I couldn’t stand how you treated me. But now, I’m doing okay. I’m without you, and I’m not as torn up as I thought I’d be. I’m better than ever, and I thank you for showing me that I deserve more than you. [♥]

I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore. After you’d left I cried for three months straight, because being alone wasn’t ideal for me. And I missed you. But then, something inside me told me I’d be better off. And I am. I mean, yeah, I still miss you sometimes. I miss you calling me at 3 a.m. to see how I’m doing, and to tell me you love me. I miss you waking me up early in the morning as you got out of bed to get ready for work, and giving me a kiss on the forehead and whispering sweet nothings into my ear as I just laid there, hoping you’d crawl back into bed and cuddle me. I miss how I’d fall asleep in your arms in the middle of watching The Notebook, and how you’d cover me with a blanket without waking me up because you liked to watch me sleep. There’s a lot of things you and I did together that I’ll always miss, but I can’t go back. Those memories will always be there though, in the back of my mind, reminding me what it’s like to really be in love; to really feel comfortable and secure in someone else’s presence. But because of you, and our history, I know now that I’ll be just fine trying to make it on my own. I know I’ll find someone again someday that I’ll be able to share my life with, and someone who’ll treat me the same way you did, if not better. There are days where I regret letting you go without a fight, but then I realize that I shouldn’t regret it, because it was for the best. We weren’t meant to be, and I knew that the day you said you didn’t know if you could see yourself with me still in five years. You have no clue how much that hurt, but I’m not dwelling on it now. Because I know I’ll find my happy ending some day. And I hope you do too. Just know that I’ll always have love for you. [♥]

One day I’m going to wake up, roll over on my side, and kiss the love of my life good morning.

Basically, I wish that you loved me.

To whom it may concern; good love will find you some day. But if you keep on looking for it, it’ll only keep you waiting. To whom it may concern; good love will find you some day. Until then, live well. Live happy. Live free.

I haven’t wanted someone like I want you in so long.

Hold on to whatever keeps you warm inside.

The greatest relationships are the ones you never expected to be in. The ones that swept you off your feet and challenged every view you’ve ever had.

When we were in love, things were better than they are.

When someone asks me what’s wrong I just say “nothing.” Not because I don’t wanna tell them, but because my mind is filled with thousands and thousands of thoughts that I just don’t know how to explain.

On New Year’s Eve I want you to kiss me. Kiss me at 11:59 and don’t finish that kiss until 12:01. Therefore, I have a perfect ending and definitely a perfect beginning.

How do you overcome loneliness.? Like when it feels to you as if everyone is in love or in a relationship and you’re just like, “I like that tree. That is a very nice tree.” Well, I still don’t think of it. Because I still believe being this lonely has a reason.

When you look at me and smile, it’s like for a split second everything stops and your smile pierces through all of the bad in my life and all is well again.

That moment when you can’t stop smiling… You’re smiling until the point where your cheeks begin to hurt, whether the person you’re talking to is acting way too cute, or you remember something funny; you’re just too happy at that moment in time. I like the feeling when I can’t stop smiling. It’s a good feeling.

You know it’ll happen; just keep being nice and funny and beautiful and some great guy will fall in love with you in a heartbeat.

Girl: Why do you do this to me.? Boy: Do what.? Girl: We stop talking for a week. Then you randomly text me like nothing ever happened. You get my hopes up and lead me on. Because you know that no matter how long you ignore me, I’ll always be here waiting for you.

What do you do if you like a guy, but you have no idea why you like him so much.? And you struggle to sleep at night because of him, and you know that best friends is all you’ll ever be.?

Being inspired with someone is the simplest and best reason why you find yourself smiling without a reason.

Don’t you wonder how many people notice you.? But you don’t notice them, because you’re too busy noticing someone that’ll never notice you.?

Some day I’m gonna meet someone. Someone who won’t leave.